Stalling for Salt: A strategy guide to the art of rage-quitting

Playing a stall team on Showdown is a great way to earn the respect (read: hatred) of your opponents!  No gamer is patient enough to withstand the slow-play antics of a stall team - except the ones playing them!  Ready to get stally and make your opponents salty?  Let's find out how!  This guide is completely format-agnostic.  Try it anywhere you can play competitive Pokemon!

Step 1: 

Know the format.

In order to stall the best attackers in your tier, it might be wise to know *what* those attackers are. For example, in a stall team, you're likely to have a physical wall and a special wall. You should aim to ensure those walls can handle common attackers of that type.

Step 2: 

Have a win condition (besides rage-quitting!)

Yes, yes, I know, many stall games end in a rage-quit.  But for the players that stick it out, you'll need a way to win in-game.  Commonly, this means status conditions and chip damage.  Even in a stall team with big numbers in the HP stat, you're still aiming to take less damage than you deal.

Step 3: 

Include at least 1 attacker and 1 utility 'mon.

While your goal as a stall player might be more singular than any other playstyle, you still need to account for what happens if your opponent can counter some part of it!  Utility Pokemon that can defog, remove stat buffs or (in doubles) heal teammates are fantastic ways to do this. Similarly, in case you can't deal enough damage, a bulky attacker to clean off any stragglers can be crucial!

Step 4: 

Have a cohesive "story" behind your gameplan.

This doesn't mean theming your team around Alice in Wonderland or anything! Simply put, your plan should have a beginning, middle, and end. For example, you could start by setting hazards or screens, then swap into a Toxic staller or wall such as Blissey or Toxapex, and finish off anything that hasn't died to that combination with a bulky attacker like Roserade.  This should be common practice for teambuilding in general, but it's especially crucial in a team so designed around the amount of time spent per game.

Follow these guidelines, and you'll have more rage-quits than your average turns per game in no time; with how long each game will go, that's a huge statement!

Looking for another team to play after you're done salting the fields?  Check out some VGC threats to look out for here, or consider the merits of a weather team over yonder.